Today is a momentous day, a beautific day, a day to go down in the annals of history as the most crucial day this week.
It is the Dancing Dwarf''s birthday.
Happy Birthday, Dancing Dwarf! All three of us illiterate, scruffy, 5-star-bearded hobos (although Bebo only has a four-star beard and the best Joe can do is some 5-million-year shadow) love you! We wish you joy and overeating on this torrentially rainy and happy day! We know that you do not care for the rain, so perhaps you would relish an indoor celebration rather than our original plan of stranding you on a rock in the middle of a scummy pond to commemorate the occasion of your seventeen years' anniversary of living, but no matter what you do, enjoy!
I, who remember the occasions of your thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth, and sixteenth birthdays, have chosen to be the Three Desperados' official spokeshobo on this grand tenth day in March. We pray that the coming year may bring you wisdom, and understanding, and a revival from all of your wicked ways, as well as, of course, much dancing and the reading of frivolous blogs written by grimy homeless people who have nothing better to do than go to college and write frivolous blogs. As a person that I know likes to say (he has the most amazing accent), "May your tribe increase. In a good way. After you're married." And, Dancing Dwarf, you know that if you get married before you are twenty-one I will personally hunt you down and throttle you, so may your tribe delay its increase for at least another eight years or so...
Oh, what a fun thought! My fellow hobos, in eight or ten or twelve years or so, there will begin to be a whole bunch of little Dancing Dwarves running around! Dancing Dwarf, you must make us godfathers. We will give your little Dancing Dwarf children lessons in hoboing and howling at the moon and running through the middle of college campuses screaming and stealing change out of vending machines. It is an education that they simply cannot afford to miss!
Well, my lovely friend, known most commonly as a Dwarf who Dances, happy birthday. Have many more. The Three Desperados do not much want to attend your funeral, so take care to outlive all of us.
Good luck being seventeen!
~Hugo the Horrible
OH MY CHRISTMAS PIE AND CRACKERS!!!!!! I have my very own THREE BEWHISKERED DESPERADO'S post! How sweet of you to remember me on this day. Hugo, whom I have known sinse the days of non-hoboing (before he became enlightened to the ways of the hobo-world) you have made this day full of sunshine for me.
ReplyDeleteWell, I am glad to have been of service, my dear Dancing Dwarf.
ReplyDelete~Hugo
you guys should have a post for finals week
ReplyDelete