Cranatoes!

In Bebo’s last post, Bebo said, and I quote, “…they may say that they were thinking about something stupid like painting their nails when I had mentally guessed that they were perfecting their plot of world domination. (This happens often when I talk to Joe...)” Bebo was wrong. I don’t often think about painting my nails, unless I want them to resemble poisonous mushrooms. Oh, that was fun… No, world domination beats out painting my nails. However, I am usually thinking of something mundane or unimportant.

Truthfully, I am a dull person. I am so pathetic that I amuse others. Those urgent care people just couldn’t let it go that I hurt my elbow by slipping on a floor my mother was mopping! In my defense, I hadn’t been expecting her to. It wasn’t… natural. Now, whenever she mops, she makes a great deal about it so I don’t trip and get a concussion, or something. Knowing me, I will.

I expect to inadvertently cause my own death. Will I stumble? Choke? Stab myself? Fall in a toilet and drown (I almost did the other day…)?

Last weekend, I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 1. I met a creeper. I saw some delicious ice cream (which I was forbidden from eating). I saw cats on their natural drug. Drugged cats are the best cats! I also pondered whether or not I really saw a donkey head on the side of the road. All in all, it was a weird Saturday.

As Hugo has so wonderfully stated, yesterday was Thanksgiving. Finally, the iced roads began to melt away, so travel was safe. Have we mentioned the horrid snow that hit us this week? No? Well, here we go…

It snowed Sunday, I think. Oh, something like that. On Monday, after we got home, our school shut down. (We had an epic, mind-freezing battle of snow fluffs and balls with one of our dear friends before leaving, though.) Then, I lost power. I freaked out, I must say. All of my classes require the use of a computer, and usually, the internet. In addition, I had procrastinated in one of my classes. Actually, I’m still not finished… One Tuesday, Bebo lost power, but it was of no consequence to him. He spent the day sledding on his little scrap of a cardboard house. I don’t think Hugo ever had to live without electricity. Normally, I don’t abhor snow. It was delightful during my eighth (or was it tenth) birthday party! Snow, of course, hates me. With a passion. It makes me swell at the slightest touch, and no one ever cares, because, after all, it’s just Joe, who’s never healthy, it seems. No, I just hate having no power. It’s not the entertainment, it’s the inability to flush the toilet, take showers, and prepare food that truly irks me.

After that tangent, let me tell you about my Thanksgiving. Almost all of my father’s side of the family lives nearby, even the ones who are so extended from me, I’m not quite sure who they are. However, that dinner was canceled due to a power and broken things issue. That left my immediate family free to stay at the lunch Thanksgiving for an extra three or so hours! This was my mother’s side. They traveled from faraway places, some in cars, and others in planes. The family was together at last!

Have you noticed how foods differ between countries? Restaurants? What about families? I’ve only been to a Thanksgiving with this group once in my memories. What was about to be passed around the very long, three-tables-stuck-together-to-make-one-table table (Which was also new to my buffet-styled dad’s side prototype of a large-scale meal) was about to make me question if I was really the only insane one there. Honestly, I only had four complaints. #1. Gravy? It’s not for me. No, thank you. After this was when I saw someone pour it onto their mashed potatoes. Wait a second. Was that…? Agh! I know gravy comes from meat, but I don’t believe meat belongs in gravy. #2. Oh! Fruit salad? Give it here! Hang on, that’s potato salad. It… Ah! It’s fruit salad! I’m so confused!!! #3. Oh! I love sweet potatoes, yams, whatever you call ‘em! Oh! And they’re cheesy! I love cheese! Um, cheese shouldn’t cook like that, or be so, um… Oh, ew. Not cheese. I repeat, not cheese! Who would even think of putting such odd components together such as yams and marshmallows! Oh. Me. Right… (I really haven’t, but you have no clue what things I’ve put together, but you will!) #4. Speaking of the sweet potatoes lacking cheese, where is the cheese? It’s… not here. It’s not on the table, being passed around in a casserole, on brussel sprouts, or even alone! Quite frankly, the cheese hit me the hardest.

Aside from those little details, I ate well, enjoyed the family I haven’t been around much, and completely died during Uno. Oh, and there was this cute, terribly small dog named Scamp. I wanted him to come home with me. He wanted to come home with me. Of course, my four cats would kill him in a day. I say day only because I know they’d torture him for a while, first. In addition, I would like to say that I have a wonderful product idea. Why? Because I’d eat it.

During the holidays, do you find that your mashed potatoes and cranberry jelly stuff are always the best of friends? Don’t they always combine to make a pink concoction? Do you eat it anyway? Introducing cranatoes! It’s prepared for you in advance, so you have time for other activities! After all, you might as well. They’re going to mix anyway!

Audios!

Joe

Yesterday Was Thanksgiving Day

                Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day, as I am quite certain anyone who may be reading this knows.  Of course, we were all tritely thinking about and remembering to be grateful for all of the nice things that we have, people that we know, animals that we love, books that we’ve read, etc., etc., etc.  We all ate some sort of feast with some number of loved ones, cleaned vigorously, washed mountains of dishes, and went to bed with stomachaches.  What on earth is the appeal of holidays?  They seem sort of stretched thin to me, like Bilbo Baggins after possessing the One Ring for half a century.

 Anyway, that is my very cynical opinion.  I’m a little tired right now, and so naturally even more boring and crusty than usual…  I actually had a great deal of fun yesterday.  I suppose, since this is a Thanksgiving-ish post that I should write out a list of the things that I am thankful for (good grief, I wonder how many times I can use “I” in a paragraph?????”)…

Here goes:  I am thankful for pork jerky, because it is yummy; Trio bars, because they are nourishing; coffee, because it is a very plausible replacer of sleep, which is overrated; Fiend, the kitten, because she is the cutest, funniest thing breathing; books, because they are the essence of my existence; all animals, because they make life nicer in every way; snow and ice, because they caused the cancellation of school so that I didn’t have to finish the two essays and the math test that  were due this week; Bebo, because he keeps me laughing, even when he doesn’t intend to (which really irritates him at times…J); Joe, because he is obsessed with Henry Vincent; and, of course, God, because He is God. 

There.  That is the Trite Thanksgiving Post of the Three Desperadoes.

--Hugo

Telepathetic

     Reading minds is a quality that I do not possess. You may find it odd (many people do!) but I wish I knew what people were thinking. All of the time. Does that creep you out? You're not alone. When I talk to people, I will always stare at their faces and try to guess what they are thinking about. Sometimes I will even ask them what was going on inside their head when they were attempting to listen to the boring rant of this unkempt hobo. They often refuse to answer or they may say that they were thinking about something stupid like painting their nails when I had mentally guessed that they were perfecting their plot of world domination. (This happens often when I talk to Joe...)  So, needless to say, I am not telepathic. In fact, I can't even finish someone else's sentence. Don't get me wrong, I've tried! Really I have! Today, Hugo (the Horrible) was attempting to grasp the perfect word to complete his sentence. I, being the helpful hobo that I am, offered, "Immigrant?" when really he was trying find the word that explained how sturdy his new cardboard box is. I apparently failed epically.  I cannot read minds. I cannot finish sentences. I am pathetic. No, I am telepathetic.....
     Bebo the Hobo

Make Someone Uncomfortable!

    It's International Make Someone Uncomfortable day! I have already made Bebo nervous by my talk of a second brain. I'm also made myself uncomfortable because I have practically no immune system and felt somewhat sick. It's been a successful holiday. Although, I still have school. The making of someone uncomfortable is not deemed worthy enough by our college to grant us a break. I'm in class right now. Oh, what wonderful smell as coffee wafts through this room. I do believe that Bebo, Hugo, and I made the early birds to my class anxious. We were on our computers, laughing and doing certain... things. They don't belong in this class. Oh, the nerve! But they have left, now. I told them to de-smoke the gym, but Bebo was being a rebel to any type of authority.

    I should warn you I'm a distractible person who drifts off into tangents. I apologize in advance for this fault of mine. I met someone today, and they noticed this flaw in minutes. I stayed on topic! I did!!!

    Today I pondered, with my comrades, of the day where I could stick a squirrel under my toque. That's a fancy word for a chef's hat. I learned it today. The only problem with this is that I can't cook. I can't make macaroni in a box! I wonder what the squirrel would make me do... I'd probably be stuffing its cheeks with nuts all day. How I miss that friendly squirrel... Of course, there are some nice ones on campus. I can't wait until I have time to make friends with them!

    I do believe this is where I leave you. Just remember three things: Squirrels are evil. However, they are cute and cuddly, so make them friends. If they are your foes, you will die.

    Joe

Thoughts of The Rambling One

Yes, we were undoubtedly all meant to be hobos.  It's not merely that we are all extraordinarily lazy and fond of astonishing people; it's somehow in our blood...
On the way to college this morning, nothing particularly exciting, like, for instance, a large propellor on the back of a slow truck that took up two lanes, happened.  We laughed and talked about cats: how two of Joe's cats are engaged in some bloodthirsty practices, and how mine, Fiend, is obsessed with stuffed animals.  Also, Bebo was appallingly late, having forgotten his breakfast at home, and I stuck a mascara brush in my eye. 
Joe, for whatever reason (it can be difficult to fathom Joe) likes to take videos of Bebo and I.  However, he misses the really funny things that we do; Wednesday, after he left, we sang opera and breathed like smokers, and yesterday we got attacked by a gangster riding a bicycle with a big gun.  We're okay, though; we fought him off, and that gangster is not going to be bothering any more innocent hobos.
Well, it is almost time for the Most Boring Class on the Face of the Planet (math), so I will draw my nonsensical ramblings to their conclusion.  Toodles!
--Hugo

The beginning of the end....(dramatic I know)

We didn't used to be hobos. It just sorta happened. We were all once quite normal. No, that's a lie. But once we were all expected to behave like normal human beings. But we couldn't. It was just too hard and we couldn't take the pressure. One day we just cracked. People were shocked at first, (Our mothers especially) But they grew to accept it, and us. We didn't know each other then. Didn't have a clue what the future would hold for three hobos. But perhaps one day when the wind blew wild and we were all huddled in Joe's leaky cardboard box. Perhaps we decided we liked the money people dropped in Hugo's still steaming cup of coffee. Perhaps we enjoyed the taste of pork jerky fresh from the bag. Perhaps it was meant to be.....

~Bebo

Who are we? Well...

    

                Hello, there! I'm Joe. My co-authors are Bebo the Hobo and Hugo the Horrible. We're friends. We carpool to school. And we are all interesting in our own unique way. Currently, we're all somewhat surprised we're alive, for different reasons. Being the same is just too dull. Well, that pretty much sums us up.

                Today we saw something on a truck bed, or something like that. We weren’t sure what it was. Canoes, satellites, UFOs, and other things came up. It was like playing charades. I finally screamed out, “It’s a propeller thing!” bouncing up and down in my seat. I must have shaken up Razzle (Bebo’s car) pretty badly. Yes, the hobo has a car. We’re all shocked. In the end, I was right! It was a propeller. Nicely done, Joe. Nicely done. It very possibly may have been the highlight of my day. I’m sure that, if they hadn’t been sitting in the front seats, they would consider it their highlight as well, since I made quite a spectacle of myself. I seem to always be doing that. But someone had to be timed as they ran, or else no one would have even gotten a chance to attain that miniature candy cane! Right?

                Joe