Of facial hair and the discussion of it....

Today, I realized that I have been subconciously counting the number of people with beards that I see on campus. Then, I rate them. A beard with a one star rating would be something only slightly more than a five o'clock shadow (or the 5 million year shadow, as Hugo like to refer to it as...). This beard is simply AWFUL. especially in Washington. I doubt that this beard would add any extra warmth to the face of its maker, and it looks pathetic.
     A two star beard would be a beard that it longer than that of the first. Perhaps a lopsided goatee is sprouting from the chin or perhaps the grower of said beard has allowed for it to grow to the size of two inches!
     The growers of three star beards should crawl under a rock. Seriosly. They look ridiculous.  The beard has not been allowed to reach maximun growth, ( or even half of maximmun growth for that matter...) and it just looks sloppy. Most of the time it is trimmed. Ick. I detest the faces of the owners of three star beards.


     The next beard: The wanna-be beard. This beard is a knock off of the five star except of several major components. Most of the time, growers of these beards keep the hair combed and free of food particles that may happen to land upon it. Owners of the four star beards enjoy stroking their knockoff facial hair thoughfully whilst trying to evoke a mature appearance. They fail. Fail. FAIL!! THEY FAIL AT MATURENESS. THEY FAIL AT STROKING. AND MOST OF ALLL, THEY FAIL AT BEARD GROWING!!! BAH Humbug.
(After twenty minutes of ranting and screaming at everyone in the compiuter lab about the subject of facial hair, Bebo was kicked off of his digital device and forced to seek free internet elsewhere...)


I am back. And just in time to describe to you the illusive, amazing, awesome, handy, useful, benefitial, warmth bringing, FIVE STAR BEARD. Yes, ladies and gents, this here is the real deal. ok, the five star beard would be a perfectly shaggy beard with a misheveled appearance. The length would be no less than 8 inchess, and it would contain knots and tangles. These knots and tangles come in handy for holding the food that inevitably falls into said beard whilst its grower is partaking in food. This beard keeps one warm in the winter, but it is not long enough to catch on fire when its owner is huddling around a warm of fire in the street late at night. This beard provides safe storage for food, warmth in the chilly nights, and fire-safe effectiveness. Clearly, this beard is the most beneficial of all and should be the envy of everyone who owns a beard of a lesser star.
NOw, this hobo must ajourn to eat some of the hobo soup that fell into his five star beard last night. Yeah thats right, it even holds soup......
Bebo